So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Never underestimate the power of titties
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