Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
