I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
