Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching her eat just hurts me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
