Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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