i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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