Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
