Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
