the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
