My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The power of my boobs compel you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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