I'm really into asian looking animals
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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