he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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