plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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