I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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