May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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