My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
