My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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