Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
