Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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