I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
