dude i'm inner monologue high
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
