he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
