He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
