she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
