Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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