She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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