What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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