when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
