This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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