I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
