we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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