If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
