i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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