pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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