i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
