She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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