I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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