The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
