I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
