No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
