i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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