What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
