If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
