i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
