at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
