"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
