He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize