I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
