Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize