I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
