I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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