put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We're too hungover to prance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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