life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
