the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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