Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
