Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
