I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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