I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
