hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
