I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
