Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
