My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
