omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
