I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
