Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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