New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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