So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
