The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
