Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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