dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
