i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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